Did i just unlock my diary? Guys are you happy?

I think i am...well i really am not. thats why i unlocked it, i wanna be heard, maybe hear my own advice by writing to myself since no one reads this anymore....

Im so fucking sad. i Deserve it.

He is married. The man is married. I like him.

I called today, a woman picked up the phone, of course not his wife. I guess someone else, it sounded like his wifes best friend....the wife is somewhere else, not in this country, right now.

Im dying...i have a knot, not because of what happened but because of what im doing...or willmight be doing.

It took me forever to make up my mind and go for it. I really didnt want to, its so against my principles. I havent fucked him yet...

Its terrible when you havent started to taste something and you already have the bitter taste in your mouth.

THATS A BIG SIGN

Ive never let my desire just go...should i this time?

Im choosing the wrong person, arent i? I know it, which is the worse part of it.

Its all up to me.

Im responsible for it all.

I wish i wasnt, so whenever i cry i could blame someone else.

Last night i was at the beach by myself, i loved it, but i didnt enjoy being by myself, not because i wanted company but because i felt i was with a new someone not worthy of me: myself.

Married, 3 kids, wife...but incredibly HOT.

i mean so hot.

lust?

reason?

Respect?

Society?

Future?

Consequences?

I need to breath....i fucking hate him for it, i fucking hate myself for it.

One thing i know for sure, is to NEVER say Never. "I would never do that", i said once.

I feel dirty, i feel good, im doing what i want....when he leaves i hurt

I deserve better.

Im worth so much more....im worth so much more.

ps: Yes im back....i wish i had better news though